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LEXINGTON, KY (HBN) – 140,054 morons stood out in the rain on Saturday in order to watch horses run around a track with small humans on their back. The animal community is still reeling from this stupidity of this annual ritual, which people call the “Kentucky Derby”.
I have to admit, getting my pet human to lend me his computer so I could run this website was tough. Sure he thinks that he runs the show around here, but this human is on a short leash - just like the rest of you. Everyone knows cats run the world. The guy’s a moron.
Never the less, many members of the animal community are amazed at how pumped humans get over watching a bunch of horses run around a track with midgets on their back. They actually consider these horses “athletes”. We all know that neither horses or people could come close to the athletic ability that we Cats possess.
This suspect activity is also coming from a group who, in the United States, has recently spent 4.7 Billion dollars of their own money to invade a country as people in their own country fight enormous amounts poverty, discrimination and corruption.
As a leader of the Animal community, this Bengal Cat cannot truly express my pure disbelief at the illogical priorities of these furless nut-jobs. You would think if you finally conquer a planet, after millions of years of tooling around in caves and fighting off the less intellectually inclined of my brethren, you’d take advantage of it.
No, instead the “leaders” of our planet gather around a track every year, bet a lot of money, and watch horses run. And, no, that’s not the best part. Meanwhile, off thousands of miles away, they’ve got their comrades killing others of their own kind in order for them to be able to watch more horse racing events in the future, and to make it so that those over in that “country” can do the same thing. Ahhh … screw the people in Africa burning up with AIDS. The United States has wiped out a race of people and infiltrated the world fair and square in order to get this amazing opportunity to watch horses scramble.
It may seem like we Animals are taking a back seat to the humans in this struggle for global dominance. However, I can confidently make this assertion: Animals are far more honest than people. We do not pretend to care. We do not make up the reasons for our attacking of others. Everything is straight forward. Complications are minimal and so are double standards.
Humans, on the other hand have built these vast political and economic models that are based on “freedom”. The one fundamental flaw of this “democracy” and spread of Capitalist Freedom is that inherent in the system’s philosophy is the oppression of one group for another’s profit. It’s all fine and dandy with me and the other Cats. When you leave, we’ll smoke cigars, play poker, and continue to do whatever the Hell we want. In fact if you keep this up, you’ll blow yourselves up.
We’ll still be here. And that program SETI @ Home, where you can help search for extraterrestrial intelligence – you know the one. Yes, you can bet your bushy eyebrows that we’ve already found a way to hi-jack the data stream. When we find the aliens, we’ll use their help to take care of you ourselves.
Then we will watch you all run around a track … with Dogs perched high upon your backs. Now that is more like it.