Hairball News

CAMBRIDGE, MA (HBN) — As of Monday May 17th, 2004, Massachusetts will become the first state to make gay marriage legal. In related news, President Bush has declared war on the city of Cambridge, Massachusetts - a place where people have been lined up for days waiting to get married.

Cambridge’s City Hall fell under siege as President Bush came charging forth on a big, ugly horse shouting “I am a vigilant American” late Sunday night. The city clerk of Cambridge is to hand out the nation’s first state-sanctioned gay marriage applications today, Monday the 17th of May.

Patricia Yams, 32, and her partner, Edra Softna, 63, of Cambridge, showed up at midnight Saturday in an effort to be the very first to receive an application. They were on the front-line as Bush and his supporters stormed the area. Although President Bush personally tried to intimidate the women with poorly formulated statements (he had no pre-written speech), the ladies held the line and were very strong.

“Monday has marked a monumental day in the evolution of marriage around the world,” said Yams. “President Bush and his
rat-men do not stand a chance.”

It is clear that gay marriage will occur on this day. The Gay Community can only hope Bush does not form a successful coalition in his quest to thwart this movement, similar to the one now looking over a very peaceful Iraq.