Hairball News

DAYTONA BEACH, FL (HBN) – Gas prices have sky-rocketed to an all time high of over two dollars a gallon. There is no relief in sight. In June 2004, prices are due to be an average of $2.03 according to the United States’ National Department of Energy.

Many people want the US National Oil Reserves to be released. However, President Bush refuses to comply with citizen’s demands. The stance of the White House is that the oil reserve is for emergencies or for use in responding to another terrorist attack.

Perhaps Bush will also make a public announcement saying that he doesn’t want to take business away from his OPEC buddies, including Saudi Arabia’s ambassador to the United States, Prince Bandar bin Sultan. Bandar has pledged in that past that the Saudis will cut oil prices before the November elections.

Is this as good of a pledge as the pledge to find Weapons of Mass Destruction that Bush made?

We can only hope so. In the mean time, get out and walk. American people are fat anyways. It won’t kill you, will it?

CAMBRIDGE, MA (HBN) — As of Monday May 17th, 2004, Massachusetts will become the first state to make gay marriage legal. In related news, President Bush has declared war on the city of Cambridge, Massachusetts - a place where people have been lined up for days waiting to get married.

Cambridge’s City Hall fell under siege as President Bush came charging forth on a big, ugly horse shouting “I am a vigilant American” late Sunday night. The city clerk of Cambridge is to hand out the nation’s first state-sanctioned gay marriage applications today, Monday the 17th of May.

Patricia Yams, 32, and her partner, Edra Softna, 63, of Cambridge, showed up at midnight Saturday in an effort to be the very first to receive an application. They were on the front-line as Bush and his supporters stormed the area. Although President Bush personally tried to intimidate the women with poorly formulated statements (he had no pre-written speech), the ladies held the line (more…)

SAN FRANCISCO, CA (HBN) – Recently there has been a lot of talk about Free WiFi at various Major League Baseball Parks. However, it has recently become apparent that this idea is completely ridiculous.

For example, lets say you’re watching Barry Bonds bat at SBC Park in San Francisco. Do you really feel safe typing away on your laptop? Barry Bonds could very well hit the ball ANYWHERE at any time.

Of course people are stupid, and will waste money and resources whenever possible, but this is just out of control. Next thing you know, you’ll have webcams for video chats on rollercoasters across the country.

PORTLAND, OR (HBN) – Two idiotic DJs were fired today after playing a ridiculous audiotape and then joking on-air about the death of Nick Berg. Berg was recently beheaded by terrorists in Iraq.

Portland’s KNRK-FM was the station on which the two morning DJs decided to poke fun at this horrific incident. The station’s manager sent an apology out over the airwaves, saying: “The actions of the KNRK news morning show were insensitive, inappropriate and repulsive. On behalf of Entercom Portland and KNRK, I apologize to our listeners.”

This begs the question, how stupid can two humans actually get?

Well, we are talking about morning DJs here, but come on. All the media hype around the event, plus the fact that is actually TRAGIC.

I think these guys should be made to be Iraqi’s first American Radio DJs. I wonder how popular they would be over there.

LOS ANGELES, CA (HBN) – Amidst the various riots that are taking place here in downtown Los Angeles, and across the country, NBC still maintains that its hit show “Friends” is actually off the air.

Humans everywhere do not know what to do with themselves. Some are contemplating simply ending it. This T-Shirt advertisement sums things up:

NEW YORK, NY (HBN) – Rabbits everywhere are going “ga-ga” for the new Swatch billboard in Times Square. The billboard depicts several rabbits in X-Rated positions on the face of a Swatch watch. “Bunnysutra” is what the new line of watches is called.

“Touch your swatch, pick your position,” states the Swatch billboard. The ad is kicking off the new “Bunnysutra” Swatch line, featuring the company’s “touch” technology. When touched, the clock hands land on “happy bunny positions,” according to a Swatch news release.

Although several tourists are disgusted by the ads, rabbits are especially happy. It shows them doing one of the things they do best.

“Good show… Jolly good show!” was the reaction from Fred Biely - an English rabbit visiting New York City.

A spokesperson for Swatch Group US dismissed the concerns: “Swatch is always very tongue in cheek. This is a playful, fun ad.”

Tongue in cheek? Or…

Well, nevermind.

LOS ANGELES, CA (HBN) – Daily Wireless recently filed reports on a recent warflying expedition to LA. Two aircrafts established a p2p connection and discovered 3151 networks.

Team DailyWireless.com and Tom’s Hardware were able to successfully establish a point to point link between two airplanes flying in parallel for the first time in the History of the World.

“Additionally, we were able to address the topic of wireless security by collecting data resulting in the most access points detected in a single flight and arguably in the given time period (approximately 80 minutes). Of the vast number of access points detected, only about 30% were encrypted. This clearly shows the need to publicly recognize and address the lack of understanding and regard with respect to wireless security.”

I don’t know about you but when I’m looking out the window I am going to look at small planes a little bit differently now. When people tap into your un-encrypted wireless network they can read your e-mail, read Excel files and cause all sorts of havoc!

WarFliers beware! You are being watched!

Hmmm… But WarFlying sounds so fun….