Hairball News

DETROIT, MI (HBN) – After my owner’s threatened me with old re-runs of “Friends”, I complied with their demands and scouted the internet to find the cyber-scene’s Top Dog. Everyone knows I am the Number One Kitty. However, because I had no choice, I ended up meeting an interesting fellow named Dexter. Here is his story.

Dexter the Chihuahua is a native of Michigan (a bit too cold for my liking). Sadly, it appears that he does not have the control over his owners that I do. California is very nice this time of year.

Apparently there is a female in the family who is in the market for a pet Chihuahua. I am not sure why anyone would like these suspicious little mutts… but, hey… I have to throw the owners a “bone” once and a while.

Lame dog humor.

I finally came across a Dog website that I can stand when I cam across www.DexDog.com.

For any Chihuahua lovers out there who have not already been to the site, DexDog.com offers a lot of information on everything from buying a puppy online, to dressing your little dog.

The coolest thing about Dexter, in my opinion though, is Duke - his buddy.

Duke is an interesting Chihuahua. You can see pictures of him on the website also. What Duke brings to the table is a wild side that one rarely sees in Chihuahuas. Bengal cats are of course known for our wild and hearty nature. Of course, I am personally nuts. I have more than just one wild streak in me. My great grandfather was an Asian Leopard Cat.

Duke, who I actually had a chance to play with when I was in Michigan, is a rock star. He jumps around, barks, and is pretty nimble for his age. Let me tell you this… Duke’s a bit old, but he can throw down with those a lot younger than him.

Dexter is just a puppy. His website was great because it was a guide for those humans in the family to get acquainted with the Chihuahua mindset, and the needs of these interesting creatures.

I guess you could say I am okay with Chihuahuas after completing this mission. Well, okay with them as long as their name starts with a “D”.

Because of his cool Website, I now crown Dexter the Internet’s Chihuahua King.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (HBN) – Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld appeared to testify with conviction in front of a panel of United States Senators yesterday. He also appeared to miss the point when it came to the errors that were made in the handling of the recently disclosed Iraqi Prisoner abuse scandal.

The Defense Secratary answered questions about prisoner abuse in Iraq today along with various military officials. These officials included General Richard Myers, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, along with Lt. General Lance Smith.

Senator Susan Collins, a Republican, hit the nail on the head when she asked Rumsfeld why he didn’t come forward and alert the President of the Iraqi prisoner abuse instead of asking CBS to delay viewing of the gruesome pictures that have recently been made public. The Secretary claimed that he wished he would have done that, but also tried to make the case that the Pentagon hadn’t even seen the pictures.

Reports of this abuse first surfaced to United States Military officials in JANUARY of 2004 (more…)

NEW YORK, NY (HBN) – After public outrage, Major League Baseball has gotten out of its deal with Marvel and Sony to display 4 inch Spider Man 2 ads on bases from June 11th to the 13th this summer. The promotion was going to be worth 3.6 million dollars to MLB.

The New York Yankees had already expressed their disgust at the idea of having these ads on their bases. Trying to liken this sell-out to Interleague play, Baseball had originally thought the game’s “purists” would come around.

In the end, they were wrong, and gave in to the pressure. It is unclear why Major League Baseball chickened out. If they were willing to announce to the world that they had indeed sold out, and then also try to defend themselves initially, they might as well have stuck to their guns.

It doesn’t surprise me that the sport would pull this kind of stunt. Ever since Baseball was plagued by strikes, things haven’t been the same. Unless the sport produces some more crazy-talented players, like left handed pitcher Jared Thomas of the Seattle Mariners’ organization, things are only going to get worse.

Personally, I hate spiders. In fact, I eat them whenever possible.

But, this reminds me. I think someone needs to make a movie about me… and bengal cats.

We are this shiznit.

LOS ANGELES, CA (HBN) – After the scandal broke, Britney Spears still couldn’t help herself. She flew her new love, Kevin Federline, out to England to be with her. Apparently she can’t live without him. (more…)

SHIBUYA, Japan (HBN) – Earlier today the news agency Japan Today asked some Japanese citizens what they thought of the United States’ new finger printing policy. Japanese citizens, along with citizens of other countries, now may be subject to finger printing as they enter the US.

Taijiro Kodama, 18, gave his opinion: “I don’t mind, because for one thing, if I get killed or abducted, my fingerprints and photo may speed up the investigation. Anyway, if I visit the U.S., I’m not planning to commit any crimes or get involved in terrorist activities.”

Well, Taijiro, you might not want to flash that West-Coast gang sign when you land in New York City. You might just put your fingerprints to use after all.

PAIRS, France (HBN) – The nutty French are at it again.

The French Phonographic Syndicate organization has launched a campaign today against free illegal mp3s that are downloaded via the Web.

Above is the interesting campaign logo. It says: “Free music has a price!”

Of course, if the price is simply being subject to a poorly composed digital representation of the Middle Finger, we at Hairballnews don’t think the French are going to lay off the ol’ mp3 downloading addiction.

Thanks to our friends at Boing Boing for flipping us the bird initially. We know they didn’t mean it… and together we shall strike back…. for all the cool cats in France. Ya dig?

ROTTERDAM, The Netherlands (HBN) – There is a new fad crawling its way across Europe. In the Netherlands people are now going on waiting lists with hopes of some day getting Eye Jewelry implanted into their eyeballs.

The Netherlands Institute for Innovative Ocular Surgery is a clinic that you can go to in order to have jewelry implanted into your eye. Why would you want to do this? The verdict is still out on that question, but for between $600 and $1,200 USD you too can sport your very own Eye Jewelry. The procedure takes about 15-20 minutes to complete.

Aside from the risks associated with your eyeball rejecting the jewelry, there is also the question of the eternal itchy eyeball. Before, there was the tongue ring. Of course many would guess that this piece of jewelry may be one that could cause you to talk like a slobbering fool. Likewise, any creature who chooses to have their eyeball “pierced” may feel the urge to rip the little jewel out after it starts itching uncontrollably. The problem is, you can’t quite rub your eye like you used to when you have a jewel fused to it.

You can get anything from a circular jewel to a half moon inserted into your conjunctiva, otherwise known as the mucous membrane lining the surface of the front of your eyeball.

This is another story which obviously begs the question … “What the hell are the humans thinking?”

One of the lead doctors behind this project was recently quoted as saying, “So far we have not seen any side effects or complications and we don’t expect any in the future.”

“We don’t expect any…”?? Doesn’t that kind of leave the possibility open for side effects to just pop up (or out) in the future.

Hairballnews cannot recommend Eyeball Jewelry at this time. You won’t catch any sane mammals getting this done, that’s for damn sure.