0wn3d By C4Parana

LEXINGTON, KY (HBN) – 140,054 morons stood out in the rain on Saturday in order to watch horses run around a track with small humans on their back. The animal community is still reeling from this stupidity of this annual ritual, which people call the “Kentucky Derby”.

I have to admit, getting my pet human to lend me his computer so I could run this website was tough. Sure he thinks that he runs the show around here, but this human is on a short leash - just like the rest of you. Everyone knows cats run the world. The guy’s a moron.

Never the less, many members of the animal community are amazed at how pumped humans get over watching a bunch of horses run around a track with midgets on their back. They actually consider these horses “athletes”. We all know that neither horses or people could come close to the athletic ability that we Cats possess.

This suspect activity is also coming from a group who, in the United States, has recently spent 4.7 Billion dollars of their own money to invade a country as people in their own country fight enormous amounts poverty, discrimination and corruption.

As a leader of the Animal community, this Bengal Cat cannot truly express my pure disbelief at the illogical priorities of these furless nut-jobs. You would think if you finally conquer a planet, after millions of years of tooling around in caves and fighting off the less intellectually inclined of my brethren, you’d take advantage of it.

No, instead the “leaders” of our planet gather around a track every year, bet a lot of money, and watch horses run (more…)

WASHINGTON, D.C. (HBN) – President Bush looks to take another stab at humor at tonight’s D.C. Dinner. In related news, the capital has been put on High Alert for possible Jokes of Mass Destruction.

The White House Correspondents’ Dinner is the largest of four black-tie events that take place during the Washington, D.C.’s annual “season of comedy”. Tonight about 2,000 reporters and various celebrity guests are being put on Heightened Alert to see whether President Bush will dare to be comedic when world events are currently very far from funny (more…)