Hairball News

KANSAS CITY, MO (HBN) - A German Shepherd dog, Soty, nearly lost his left ear after a man bit him. (more…)

BOSTON, MA (HBN) — The federal government will supervise the distribution of flu vaccine stocks that have not yet been shipped, health officials said yesterday, adding that they have already diverted about 4 million doses to areas with the greatest need. (more…)

NEW ORLEANS, LA (HBN) - Shane Shafer, a 50 year-old man from Texas, recently underwent surgery to get rid of his hiccups. He hiccuped every 3-4 seconds for around 7 months in a manner that sounded like a dog barking. (more…)

LAKE TAHOE, CA (HBN) – How’s this for luck? A California man, Kurt Yoshio Kitajima, was down to his last 75 cents at a casino in Lake Tahoe. He then proceeded to win 1.3 Million Dollars!

Kitajima was apparently playing a game called “Wheel of Fortune” when he won the jackpot. You know, the game at casinos that looks like a complete rip-off - and actually is 99% of the time. He gambled his way down to a measly 75 cents before striking it rich at the Lakeside Inn and Casino in Stateline.

The Freemont, California native is reportedly is putting the money into his savings account. He should also probably steer clear of any more casinos. Although with this kind of luck, maybe he should just put $1,299,999.25 on a hand of blackjack. What the hell, right?

DAYTONA BEACH, FL (HBN) – Gas prices have sky-rocketed to an all time high of over two dollars a gallon. There is no relief in sight. In June 2004, prices are due to be an average of $2.03 according to the United States’ National Department of Energy.

Many people want the US National Oil Reserves to be released. However, President Bush refuses to comply with citizen’s demands. The stance of the White House is that the oil reserve is for emergencies or for use in responding to another terrorist attack.

Perhaps Bush will also make a public announcement saying that he doesn’t want to take business away from his OPEC buddies, including Saudi Arabia’s ambassador to the United States, Prince Bandar bin Sultan. Bandar has pledged in that past that the Saudis will cut oil prices before the November elections.

Is this as good of a pledge as the pledge to find Weapons of Mass Destruction that Bush made?

We can only hope so. In the mean time, get out and walk. American people are fat anyways. It won’t kill you, will it?

DETROIT, MI (HBN) – After my owner’s threatened me with old re-runs of “Friends”, I complied with their demands and scouted the internet to find the cyber-scene’s Top Dog. Everyone knows I am the Number One Kitty. However, because I had no choice, I ended up meeting an interesting fellow named Dexter. Here is his story.

Dexter the Chihuahua is a native of Michigan (a bit too cold for my liking). Sadly, it appears that he does not have the control over his owners that I do. California is very nice this time of year.

Apparently there is a female in the family who is in the market for a pet Chihuahua. I am not sure why anyone would like these suspicious little mutts… but, hey… I have to throw the owners a “bone” once and a while.

Lame dog humor.

I finally came across a Dog website that I can stand when I cam across www.DexDog.com.

For any Chihuahua lovers out there who have not already been to the site, DexDog.com offers a lot of information on everything from buying a puppy online, to dressing your little dog.

The coolest thing about Dexter, in my opinion though, is Duke - his buddy.

Duke is an interesting Chihuahua. You can see pictures of him on the website also. What Duke brings to the table is a wild side that one rarely sees in Chihuahuas. Bengal cats are of course known for our wild and hearty nature. Of course, I am personally nuts. I have more than just one wild streak in me. My great grandfather was an Asian Leopard Cat.

Duke, who I actually had a chance to play with when I was in Michigan, is a rock star. He jumps around, barks, and is pretty nimble for his age. Let me tell you this… Duke’s a bit old, but he can throw down with those a lot younger than him.

Dexter is just a puppy. His website was great because it was a guide for those humans in the family to get acquainted with the Chihuahua mindset, and the needs of these interesting creatures.

I guess you could say I am okay with Chihuahuas after completing this mission. Well, okay with them as long as their name starts with a “D”.

Because of his cool Website, I now crown Dexter the Internet’s Chihuahua King.

ROTTERDAM, The Netherlands (HBN) – There is a new fad crawling its way across Europe. In the Netherlands people are now going on waiting lists with hopes of some day getting Eye Jewelry implanted into their eyeballs.

The Netherlands Institute for Innovative Ocular Surgery is a clinic that you can go to in order to have jewelry implanted into your eye. Why would you want to do this? The verdict is still out on that question, but for between $600 and $1,200 USD you too can sport your very own Eye Jewelry. The procedure takes about 15-20 minutes to complete.

Aside from the risks associated with your eyeball rejecting the jewelry, there is also the question of the eternal itchy eyeball. Before, there was the tongue ring. Of course many would guess that this piece of jewelry may be one that could cause you to talk like a slobbering fool. Likewise, any creature who chooses to have their eyeball “pierced” may feel the urge to rip the little jewel out after it starts itching uncontrollably. The problem is, you can’t quite rub your eye like you used to when you have a jewel fused to it.

You can get anything from a circular jewel to a half moon inserted into your conjunctiva, otherwise known as the mucous membrane lining the surface of the front of your eyeball.

This is another story which obviously begs the question … “What the hell are the humans thinking?”

One of the lead doctors behind this project was recently quoted as saying, “So far we have not seen any side effects or complications and we don’t expect any in the future.”

“We don’t expect any…”?? Doesn’t that kind of leave the possibility open for side effects to just pop up (or out) in the future.

Hairballnews cannot recommend Eyeball Jewelry at this time. You won’t catch any sane mammals getting this done, that’s for damn sure.