Sacramento, CA (HBN) — California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is catching some heat from activists and gay/lesbian groups about his “Girly-Men” comment. This comment came from Schwarzenegger in attempt to break through to Democrats in California who he thinks are slaves to Special Interest groups. (more…)
BERLIN, GERMANY (HBN) — The German Conservatives have come out with a new doctrine. Insult their citizens by calling them “limp” in order to coerce them into having more kids. (more…)
WASHINGTON, DC (HBN) — A new report by the United States Labor Department suggests that the “problem” of outsourcing of jobs to cheap foreign labor markets overseas has been exaggerated. In related news, CNN news broadcaster Lou Dobbs, the jack ass who makes up new, politically charged “Exporting of America” stories every night to draw higher ratings, got physically ill upon hearing the news. (more…)
WASHINGTON, DC (HBN) – President Bush welcomed a group of bikers called the ‘Rolling Thunder’ today in Washington. The organization is a prominent group that was formed to help support military veterans and various issues they might have nationally.
President Bush had to be held back by members of the secret service when he was so mesmerized by the motorcycles that he demanded to ride with the group.
White House staff was quoted as saying, “President Bush crashed last weekend on a regular ol’ bicycle. We didn’t want him to kill himself on one of these motorcycles today.”
Bush apparently told the group to “ride safe” as they rode on to a rally at Robert F. Kennedy Stadium in the capital.
CAMBRIDGE, MA (HBN) — As of Monday May 17th, 2004, Massachusetts will become the first state to make gay marriage legal. In related news, President Bush has declared war on the city of Cambridge, Massachusetts - a place where people have been lined up for days waiting to get married.
Cambridge’s City Hall fell under siege as President Bush came charging forth on a big, ugly horse shouting “I am a vigilant American” late Sunday night. The city clerk of Cambridge is to hand out the nation’s first state-sanctioned gay marriage applications today, Monday the 17th of May.
Patricia Yams, 32, and her partner, Edra Softna, 63, of Cambridge, showed up at midnight Saturday in an effort to be the very first to receive an application. They were on the front-line as Bush and his supporters stormed the area. Although President Bush personally tried to intimidate the women with poorly formulated statements (he had no pre-written speech), the ladies held the line (more…)
WASHINGTON, D.C. (HBN) – Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld appeared to testify with conviction in front of a panel of United States Senators yesterday. He also appeared to miss the point when it came to the errors that were made in the handling of the recently disclosed Iraqi Prisoner abuse scandal.
The Defense Secratary answered questions about prisoner abuse in Iraq today along with various military officials. These officials included General Richard Myers, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, along with Lt. General Lance Smith.
Senator Susan Collins, a Republican, hit the nail on the head when she asked Rumsfeld why he didn’t come forward and alert the President of the Iraqi prisoner abuse instead of asking CBS to delay viewing of the gruesome pictures that have recently been made public. The Secretary claimed that he wished he would have done that, but also tried to make the case that the Pentagon hadn’t even seen the pictures.
Reports of this abuse first surfaced to United States Military officials in JANUARY of 2004 (more…)
WASHINGTON, D.C. (HBN) – President Bush looks to take another stab at humor at tonight’s D.C. Dinner. In related news, the capital has been put on High Alert for possible Jokes of Mass Destruction.
The White House Correspondents’ Dinner is the largest of four black-tie events that take place during the Washington, D.C.’s annual “season of comedy”. Tonight about 2,000 reporters and various celebrity guests are being put on Heightened Alert to see whether President Bush will dare to be comedic when world events are currently very far from funny (more…)