WASHINGTON, DC (HBN) — 13 year old Akshay Buddiga correctly spelled the word “alopecoid” after becoming wide-eyed and collapsing on stage yesterday at the Scripps National Spelling Bee. That word has since been banned from the competition. (more…)
LONDON, ENGLAND (HBN) — 21 people were injured in one of the most rediculous sporting events that humans annually participate in on Friday. The event is known as the Cheese Rolling Race and takes place on Cooper’s Hill in Gloucestershire, England.
During the event, a bunch of absolute morons race down an extremely steep cliff in order to win a 32kg piece of cheese. People fall, roll around, and snap their bones left and right.
There are a total of four races that takes place - each with about 20 men and women participating. They are either really unintelligent, or just in need of a huge piece of Gloucester cheese.
Of the 21 injuries that took place, five were serious. These included a broken ankle, a concussion and a dislocated shoulder. Volunteer medical staff were there to take care of the “athletes”.
SAN FRANCISCO, CA (HBN) – Recently there has been a lot of talk about Free WiFi at various Major League Baseball Parks. However, it has recently become apparent that this idea is completely ridiculous.
For example, lets say you’re watching Barry Bonds bat at SBC Park in San Francisco. Do you really feel safe typing away on your laptop? Barry Bonds could very well hit the ball ANYWHERE at any time.
Of course people are stupid, and will waste money and resources whenever possible, but this is just out of control. Next thing you know, you’ll have webcams for video chats on rollercoasters across the country.
NEW YORK, NY (HBN) – After public outrage, Major League Baseball has gotten out of its deal with Marvel and Sony to display 4 inch Spider Man 2 ads on bases from June 11th to the 13th this summer. The promotion was going to be worth 3.6 million dollars to MLB.
The New York Yankees had already expressed their disgust at the idea of having these ads on their bases. Trying to liken this sell-out to Interleague play, Baseball had originally thought the game’s “purists” would come around.
In the end, they were wrong, and gave in to the pressure. It is unclear why Major League Baseball chickened out. If they were willing to announce to the world that they had indeed sold out, and then also try to defend themselves initially, they might as well have stuck to their guns.
It doesn’t surprise me that the sport would pull this kind of stunt. Ever since Baseball was plagued by strikes, things haven’t been the same. Unless the sport produces some more crazy-talented players, like left handed pitcher Jared Thomas of the Seattle Mariners’ organization, things are only going to get worse.
Personally, I hate spiders. In fact, I eat them whenever possible.
But, this reminds me. I think someone needs to make a movie about me… and bengal cats.
We are this shiznit.
LEXINGTON, KY (HBN) – 140,054 morons stood out in the rain on Saturday in order to watch horses run around a track with small humans on their back. The animal community is still reeling from this stupidity of this annual ritual, which people call the “Kentucky Derby”.
I have to admit, getting my pet human to lend me his computer so I could run this website was tough. Sure he thinks that he runs the show around here, but this human is on a short leash - just like the rest of you. Everyone knows cats run the world. The guy’s a moron.
Never the less, many members of the animal community are amazed at how pumped humans get over watching a bunch of horses run around a track with midgets on their back. They actually consider these horses “athletes”. We all know that neither horses or people could come close to the athletic ability that we Cats possess.
This suspect activity is also coming from a group who, in the United States, has recently spent 4.7 Billion dollars of their own money to invade a country as people in their own country fight enormous amounts poverty, discrimination and corruption.
As a leader of the Animal community, this Bengal Cat cannot truly express my pure disbelief at the illogical priorities of these furless nut-jobs. You would think if you finally conquer a planet, after millions of years of tooling around in caves and fighting off the less intellectually inclined of my brethren, you’d take advantage of it.
No, instead the “leaders” of our planet gather around a track every year, bet a lot of money, and watch horses run (more…)